This line—“When a friendship like that ends, it can feel devastating. It hurts. It can feel like a death, except they’re still alive. You see them everywhere. You miss them in the ordinary places. But bigger than that, you miss who you were in that bond. You miss the ordinary certainty of them.”—feels like part of a larger conversation we need to be having.
I’m a therapist writing a book on breakups and ritual, new to Substack, and happy to be here alongside your work.
Hey Ben - Thanks for chiming in and thank you for this thoughtful note.
I’m really glad you’re here, and I’m looking forward to your perspective—especially around breakups, ritual (love that). Substack needs more work like this - I'm finding that this friend break up is quite common. A lot of people have been sharing their stories here.
Welcome in, and I hope you’ll keep sharing as your book takes shape.
Beautiful, Mary Ann. A few years ago, during one of the lockdowns, I very nearly lost my dear bestie. It was so painful to even imagine life without her. With much gratitude, like kintsugi, we were able to repair the tear, together.
I belief I learned alot about myself then, and I trust that our relationship has survived. Am so grateful still!
This is so true. We are all here to learn things about ourselves. In my case I trusted history more than behaviour, and I let business boundaries get too soft because we were friends.
Business and friendship?—oh that’s a completely different category! Half my disputes have been just from even asking a favor—expectations for it to be taken care of as I would for them. Disappointment ensues every time. I began to learn not to ask—for trouble! Peace now reigns after a 2 year chill.
Man, this is something Im navigating right now and this was such a perfect read to process my feelings. This is such a tender articulation of a loss that rarely gets named.
Friendship endings can feel especially disorienting because you don’t just miss them, you miss who you were inside the bond. The way you honor both the love and the leaving here feels very true.
"You can’t tell the truth without calculating the cost." Boy does that strike a chord.
Yes. The truth costs something, every time. Thank you for naming it. 🤍
This line—“When a friendship like that ends, it can feel devastating. It hurts. It can feel like a death, except they’re still alive. You see them everywhere. You miss them in the ordinary places. But bigger than that, you miss who you were in that bond. You miss the ordinary certainty of them.”—feels like part of a larger conversation we need to be having.
I’m a therapist writing a book on breakups and ritual, new to Substack, and happy to be here alongside your work.
Hey Ben - Thanks for chiming in and thank you for this thoughtful note.
I’m really glad you’re here, and I’m looking forward to your perspective—especially around breakups, ritual (love that). Substack needs more work like this - I'm finding that this friend break up is quite common. A lot of people have been sharing their stories here.
Welcome in, and I hope you’ll keep sharing as your book takes shape.
Thank you for this. Having walked away from a friendship, I found much comfort in your words 🤍
I’m happy these word met you there. ❤️
Beautiful, Mary Ann. A few years ago, during one of the lockdowns, I very nearly lost my dear bestie. It was so painful to even imagine life without her. With much gratitude, like kintsugi, we were able to repair the tear, together.
I belief I learned alot about myself then, and I trust that our relationship has survived. Am so grateful still!
See there is gold in that crack !
Yes !!!
Often time provides the gold to fill the cracks. It can be the best therapy of all.
I have had a few long friendships I had to let sit. I had to mature. They had to sit with it. I had to forget some. They had to remember some.
Seeing the fault in ourselves can help because we are all human. Then it’s easier to have less held in a lock against others.
This is so true. We are all here to learn things about ourselves. In my case I trusted history more than behaviour, and I let business boundaries get too soft because we were friends.
Oh dear! Business and friendship...that is a very hard one to handle.
Business and friendship?—oh that’s a completely different category! Half my disputes have been just from even asking a favor—expectations for it to be taken care of as I would for them. Disappointment ensues every time. I began to learn not to ask—for trouble! Peace now reigns after a 2 year chill.
Yes. Unspoken expectations, power shifts, and assuming others will act the way we would—that’s how we get blindsided every time.
Thank you Mary Ann for saying out loud what my heart only whispers 💜
Beautifully written. I was deeply touched by it. I can relate very deeply and I felt seen .. better to say this wound in me felt seen. Thank you ♥️🙏🏼
Thank you, Lyra. I’m so glad you felt seen. I see you - You’re not alone in this.
Man, this is something Im navigating right now and this was such a perfect read to process my feelings. This is such a tender articulation of a loss that rarely gets named.
Friendship endings can feel especially disorienting because you don’t just miss them, you miss who you were inside the bond. The way you honor both the love and the leaving here feels very true.
It happens to all of us - thank you for saying this
balm for these painful endings, thank you <3
This was great! Thank you ❤️ 😊 🙏🏾
I feel seen. Thank you, Mary Ann. 💛
I see you. ❤️
So much wisdom and beauty in this painful loss. Thank you so much for sharing.
Thank you Prajna
Well said!
Super timely for me. Thank you. Going through this right now. This helped.
happy it met you where you are
This and a full year of therapy. 🫣
I can see that lol
Today, I needed this. Thank you Mary Ann.
Thank you. I’m really glad it found you today. 🤍